𝐈 𝐄𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐠𝐢𝐞 𝐌𝐞𝐝𝐚𝐥 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐁𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐃𝐚𝐝 𝐕𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐫

Presented to me for services performed from 2006-Current.

I’m still in service.

My wife and the kids know what they will endure, sustain, and embrace when I’m around.

Sure, they always ignore the fine print, but it is there.

I’m the guy whose hand drifts toward the volume knob the second I see them. Its not my fault they proudly wear their 2pac shirts. That’s called education.

Pulling into the driveway, I run out and dance in front of them to the Billie Jean song blasting in my head. I go as long as possible, which is usually when the horn honks or my daughter throws a middle finger salute.

I don’t do it because I’m trying to be cool.

I do it because I’m not, and I’ve made peace with that, and that peace is their problem now.

The dancing isn’t good.

That’s the point.

You think I don’t know what I look like running up and down the aisles at the store screaming “…these kids are stalking me!” ?

Then I ask Travis to come with me to Costco and he says “absolutely not if you’re going to talk to everyone again” and we drive home instead.

Did I stand up in the middle of Wicked and say “… IS THIS AWFUL THING STILL GOING?” and they said “DAD STOP!” as they rolled their eyes, passing me the popcorn.

I know.

Everyone knows.

That’s the whole thing.

And yeah, I tease.

I find the line, I look at it, and then I take the biggest leap over while maintaining full eye contact.

They’ll laugh about it in therapy someday.

Kaitlyn asked me yesterday if I’m regressing.

I said, “Because I love you, I actually am progressing north carrying all of you on my back” hence the 329 medals I’ve earned.

Related Honors:

Purple Heart for Sustained Eye-Rolling – They’re fine.

Silver Star for Volume Crimes – It’s not loud, you’re just soft.

Green Balloon For Swapping Helen Keller Jokes – They started it.

Lifetime Achievement in Knowing Exactly What I’m Doing – Yeah. I know.

With me, you get what you get.

We don’t keep skeletons in our closets.

We encourage the kids to be themselves, and accept me for who I am, always, no questions asked.

I’m normal, especially in this land of sheep.