No Membership Required
I'd rather be rejected for what I actually am than accepted for a performance I have to maintain forever. I'm not smooth. I don't want to be. I don't code-switch for boardrooms. I don't soften my opinions so they go…
I Missed The Bus.
And that's something I'll never ever ever do again. Kriss Kross. I dressed up as them, and walked to my friend's house for his Halloween party, circa 1992. Maybe 1993. Fourth or fifth grade, the years blur. I knew every lyric, and sang them…
All Hands On Deck For Nothing
There's a game I play in my head sometimes. Let's call it "The Hunt for Red October." Anxiety hits and I go full submarine warfare. Red alarms. All hands on deck. I'm running through every IF/ELSE statement in my brain like…
Boxing Saved Me
Drove past Legends Boxing in Lehi for months before I finally walked in. 2019. Should have done it sooner. Three years straight. Not "I go sometimes" fitness. Actually showing up. Learning to hit things correctly while your lungs file a formal complaint. That combination of skill acquisition and…
Heaven And Hell
I do not accept the notion that such "places" exist. It makes no sense to me, that there are places we end up after death, and our destination is based on the decisions we make in life. These decisions made during a short period of time, are supposed…
Our Kids Are Free.
Tyler is 20, Kaitlyn 17, Brooklyn 15 and Travis 14 and reflecting on this, I can't help but think.... Our kids are perfect. I'm biased, sure, but also correct. Lindsey and I never changed who we are to appeal to societal norms or religious commons or…
Sammy The Cat
Sammy was a black cat. Maybe ours, maybe the neighborhood's. I never got clarity on that. What I know is he greeted me every day in the backyard. Sometime around first grade, Sammy froze to death outside. I remember crying. Not the performative kind. The kind where your…
3 Years Later. Ghosts Again, Not Yet.
0:00 /3:01 1× 3 years ago: Continued from last year ---- Mom, with every breath I still take, I've come to recognize that I recall your presence at the time the heavens were ready, 3 years ago. I want you to know that I can wait…
The Station
Three years ago today, I had a near death experience. I've written about it every year since. Sewing quilts of memories, that is all we leave behind, the station is coming. This poem below, The Station, is an altered version I wrote, of a poem I discovered in…
The Universe Is Vast
Interstellar didn't help. The universe stays unknowable and I've stopped asking it to be otherwise. Vast doesn't begin. Complex insults it. Somewhere out there something moves that has never needed a name. I don't need to know how. I don't…